Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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