I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
