it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
