I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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