true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
