So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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