I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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