Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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