I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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