guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
