you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
