even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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