just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
