She's JV to your varsity
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
