i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
