So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
