a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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