I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
