The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
