pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
