Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
