Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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