I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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