This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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