are you still at the devil's house?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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