I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
