I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
