She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
