Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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