no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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