i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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