dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
