just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
