I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
not ubering you a puppy
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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