i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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