Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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