you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
