I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
