You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
