Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
