I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
