I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
