Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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