At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
