He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
