Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
