He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
