I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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