I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
