How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
