i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
