apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
