I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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