Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
