I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i want to swaddle you in tequila
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
