First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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