the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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