the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
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