please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
