Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
