"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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