She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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