Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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