Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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