the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize