we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Randomize
